"Being Stubborn - Virtue or Vice?" by Meghna Choudhury (H.G. Mathura Vasi Devi Dasi)

Today I was invited at a friend's relatives' home to discuss how we can practically implement teachings of the holy scriptures in our day to day lives. During the ice breaker session, the host offered us tea. I politely refused explaining the Shastric relevance on why we must refrain from it, the reasons it cannot be offered to God for it being an intoxicant, adherence to the relevant sacred scriptures and gravity of spiritual vows. The perceptive lady immediately understood the deeper significance and promised to never touch it from that instant onwards. However, among the guests, I overheard an old gentleman in his eighties, mumbling under his breath, "This young girl is very stubborn. What harm would a cup of tea do? She could have had it to show respect to the host".

Showing respect by compromising the higher principles of righteousness equals to cheating both, God as well as the soul to whom such perceived respect is displayed. In a real sense, it means showing disrespect towards His will and encouraging an ignorant soul to continue functioning in the mode of darkness. 

Srila Rupa Goswami in the authoritative scripture 'Nectar of Instruction' rightly propounds that one’s devotional service is spoiled when one rejects the rules and regulations of the scriptures and works independently or whimsically.

We all possess this quality of being 'stubborn', within ourselves. It manifests in varying degrees at different stages and myriad circumstances of our lives. This personality trait of being rigid stems from our desires, conditioning system, upbringing, association, fear of change and most importantly the consciousness that we have developed or nurtured over time.

Stubbornness is like the midpoint on a line segment oscillating between two opposite coordinates namely, determination and obstinacy. This characteristic of being stubborn has often been highlighted in a negative light but at the same time it culminates into a positive characteristic when it helps us remain focused on a higher principle, when it aids us in rejecting the lower objects of sensual gratifications.

Lord Krishna states in the Bhagavad Gita 9.13, "Those who are not deluded, the great souls, are under the protection of the divine nature..."

Being Stubborn - Vice:

Duryodhana is a classic example of stubbornness leaning towards obstinacy. After repeated urges to make peace and avert the massacre on the battlefield of Kurukshetra by Lord Krishna, his father - Dhritarashtra, his mother - Gandhari, the wise sage Narada Muni, all learned elders of Kuru dynasty including Vidura, Dronacharya, Bhishmadeva, etc., he remained adamant. Irrespective of being acquainted with the terrible results of such degree of stubbornness, Duryodhana's intellect was covered with the ugly vices of greed, pride, arrogance and obstinacy. No amount of logical explanation or reasoning could help him see his folly. Even when the Supreme Lord showed his Universal form, the ignorant Duryodhana paid no heed to His divine advice. As we are aware, the detrimental aftermath was destruction, remorse, grief and annihilation of the entire Kingdom.

Our stubborn mind is another example of how this trait is a vice. Inspite of realising the Absolute Truth, knowing well that the proposed change would be beneficial, if we continue to lead an animalistic lifestyle, that leads to downfall. Eventually, we entangle ourselves in the repeated cycle of birth and death. It has been observed in several studies that even though people can see how by engaging in spirituality, innumerable lives have transformed, but inspite of that, unconsciously their minds are dictated by this false ego, they are so overcome by the fear and resistance to change or come out of their comfort zone, that they fail to accept the enlightenment, wisdom or any positive directive. Conscious reflection and self awareness can aid in overcoming this negative pattern of stubborn behaviour.

Being Stubborn - Virtue:

On the contrary, the great devotee Prahlada Maharaj was also labeled 'stubborn' by his demon father Hiranyakashipu. The evil father wanted his son to worship Him as the Supreme Lord. He inflicted all kinds of barbarity on the child such as throwing him into burning flames, from atop a mountain peak, into a valley of poisonous snakes, crushing him under herd of wild elephants, locking him in a dark cell without food and water, exposing him to chilly winds, storm, pushing him into the sea, hurting him with sharp weapons and poisoning him but none of these could harm the little pure devotee who was constantly under protection of God. Nothing could swerve the unflinching faith of Prahlada, who remained fixed and determined in his devotion. Ultimately, Lord appeared in the form of Narsimhadeva (half-man, half-lion avatar) to protect His devotee from the demonic father and killed the Hiranyakashipu.

Another perfect analogy of being stubborn on the scale of determination is that of Haridas Thakur. Born in a Muslim family, he received enlightenment and would unfailingly chant 3,00,000 names of the Lord each day. After all efforts of the wicked atheist Ramchandra Khan failed to dissuade Haridas from chanting the glories of the Lord, he sent the prostitute Lakshahira to defame Haridas and tarnish his pristine character. Such is the power of the holy name that as she continued to listen to him chanting, the contaminations in her mind began to melt away and she began to regret her mission. She finally fell down at his feet and begged him for forgiveness. The prostitute became a celebrated devotee, all her senses were conquered, she attained pure love for Krishna and became very advanced in spiritual life. On another ocassion, the Nawab and Kazi were envious of Haridas' devotion. The Chaitanya Bhagavat beautifully portrays the words of Haridas, ”You may cut my body to pieces, and the life may leave it. But I will never abandon the Holy Name which my tongue will ever continue to chant.” This statement demonstrated Hari Das’s unswerving determination in his worship of the Holy Name. He was branded as 'stubborn'. It was ordered that he be flogged by the evil kingsmen at 22 market places. The cruel tortures did not cause the slightest discomfort to him as he was protected by the Lord Himself and he continued to chant. By his grace, both the Nawab and Kazi realized their mistake and were able to become free of their evil misdeeds.

At this point I was asked a fundamental question:

How can we judge whether our persistence or act of being stubborn is right or wrong?

To determine this, we need to conduct a simple test. If our thoughts, words or actions are favourable to devotion and pleasing to the Lord, then we are on the correct path. However, if we receive an answer in denial i.e, if we realize that the Lord would be displeased, then we must immediately take corrective measures, open ourselves to accept favourable change and slide from obstinacy to firm determination to virtuosity.

Since each and every devotee of the Lord is under the protection of His supreme potency, they should not deviate from the path of devotional service under any condition. Hence, by such dedicated faith and firm conviction, stubbornness becomes an asset.

Following are the golden points to dovetail the trait of being stubborn from the spectrum of obstinacy to determination.

S - Self-awareness of such Rigidity

T - Tame Desires to Develop Humility

U - Utilise spiritual education for Awakening

B - Be Focused on the Higher Principle

B - Be Enthusiastic to follow Spiritual Values

O - Overcome Fear of New Prospects

R - Resistance to Change should be Addressed

N - Never surrender to Mundane Sense Gratification

Thus, we can conclude that being stubborn can be a virtue or vice depending on how we exercise the choices at our disposal. I have personally been exposed to such phenomena during my college days, where I was subject to peer pressure, expected to relish the flesh of dead animals, expected to gossip, savour alcoholic beverages but I never relented even for a fraction of a second. Yes, I was labeled 'stubborn' back then. In flashback, I am proud of it, because rather than becoming a slave of the senses, yielding to carnal pleasures or hankering for the need to be 'accepted' in a Godless civilisation, I prefer being 'stubborn' to maintain high moral standards, to remain virtuous, ethical, chaste and to honour our Creator.

As we become more strong and serious in our perseverance to love God and serve Him, our consciousness becomes purified. We begin to see clarity. We no longer submit to bodily cravings nor do we cultivate an obstinate mindset of aspiring to fit in with the mindless crowd. The key is to mould our lives in such a fashion that we become determined, persistent and 'stubborn' to cultivate attraction for the holy name, we seek guidance from bonafide counselors and self-realised souls, we equip ourselves with proper knowledge from our Vedic injunctions and perenially remain fixed on the celestial journey to our ultimate destination, going back home, back to Godhead.

Article by:

Meghna Choudhury

(H.G. Mathura Vasi Devi Dasi)

Life Coach | Spiritual Counselor | Author

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