"How to become Ideal Parents?" by Meghna Choudhury (H.G. Mathura Vasi Devi Dasi)

With concrete roads dug up everywhere, insane traffic on the streets, the incessant honkings had got onto the nerves of restless commuters. As soon as the signal flashed green, the BMW in front of our vehicle abruptly crossed lanes without giving any signal and bumped into the adjoining car. It was a minor jerk, with no trace of any damage whatsoever. However, patience and tolerance having become virtues of a previous age were exhibited in full display when the driver of the former - a blazer-clad man in his thirties, emerged like a ferocious lion from his BMW and began roaring, hurling abuses reaching to a point of fist fights over this petty situation, even though he was himself on the faulty side having breached the traffic rules. My heart sank as I witnessed the prophecy of Vedas describing Kaliyuga as the age of quarrel and hypocracy, culminating into this ugly fiasco. What was unnerving was that the young wife of this nouveau riche joined him in the ruckus, with a tiny bundle in her hands in tow. On observing closely, I noticed a newborn infant sleeping peacefully in his mother's arms, blissfully unaware of the unnecessary chaos caused by his parents.

This triggered a very vital thought about the upbringing and values that would be instilled in the child in future. Does simply giving birth to a child make one a good parent? What is the role or duty of an ideal parent? How to become perfect role models, successful parents and carve an exemplary life blueprint for one's child?

A child is like delicate damp clay who needs to be moulded with intense care, selfless, unconditional love and sterling guidance for his character to shape into a spiritually-strong, exemplary personality.

Parenting can thus be defined as the exercise of fostering and nurturing not just the physical, emotional, social, financial, intellectual but the overall holistic spiritual development of an offspring from infancy to adulthood. The nature, behavioural characteristics and rearing pattern of the parents are a mirror of the future personality of a child. 

According to Padma Purana, out of 84 lakh species, there are only 4 lakh human species who are categorized according to different levels of consciousness. This very rare human birth is gifted by God, out of His causeless mercy to us. As per our desires and karmas in our previous lives, we are given this body as the Supreme Lord wants to give us an opportunity to leverage our power of choice and liberate ourselves from this miserable endless cycle of repeated birth and death, with the sole object of accepting us back into His eternal shelter.

The foundational role of a parent - father or mother - is to facilitate a soul’s journey towards our Creator, Maintainer and Protector - God. Thus, perfect parenting entails becoming qualified to take up that role, becoming spiritually conscious, accepting dependents and rendering that service unto the particular soul placed in their care.

In Srimad Bhagavatam 5.5.18, we see the instruction of Lord Åñabhadeva to his one hundred sons which is actually meant for each of us: "One who cannot deliver his dependents from the path of repeated birth and death should never become a spiritual master, a father, a husband, a mother or a worshipable demigod.”

So, how can we deliver our dependents if we do not possess the requisite qualification ourselves?

Thus, it is imperative that we must have the qualification or at least have the standard that Lord Åñabhadeva talks about as a firm goal in one’s personal life and be committed to the path of pure devotional service. Then, one can deliver what one possesses to the dependents.

His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada, in Bhagavad-gita 7.15, explains that we get information from revealed scriptures that when the baby is in the mother's womb (an extremely uncomfortable situation) he prays to God for deliverance and promises to worship Him,  as soon as he gets out. To pray to God when he is in difficulty, is a natural instinct in every living being because he is eternally related with God. But, after his deliverance, the child forgets the difficulties of birth and forgets his deliverer also, being influenced by māyā, the illusory energy.

Srimad Bhagavatam further emphatically describes the plight of the living entity within the womb of the mother and how uncomfortable and painful it is. The child experiences greater discomfort if the mother is not attentive to what she consumes. The tender skin of the child gets scorched with acidic, spicy and unhealthy foods, while little worms constantly bite its body such that the child cries to be delivered from that miserable position.

Scriptures describe that a very special pious child may fervently pray to get out of that situation. This is a natural moment of God consciousness. The dormant God consciousness of a living entity, sometimes but not always, awakens very explicitly and very intensely as the child prays to God “I will worship you this lifetime; I won’t forget you; just let me out of this circumstance!” But, as soon as he/she is born, forgetfulness resumes. This is a juncture where parents have an important role to play. The role of the parents is to assist the soul’s remembrance of God consciousness that occurred while within the womb and assist in fulfilling the desperate soul’s promise. As we know from personal experience, we need constant devotional reminders, as do our children. Somebody, somewhere, has been kind enough upon us to give us myriad reminders; in turn, we must extend that same kindness to our children.

Analogy:

Thus, parents should have a strong culture of sadhana before conception, during pregnancy and after the birth of the child. The analogy of Prahlad Maharaj is a classic example illustrating the importance of sincere devotion. Prahlad was born to a demoniac father, Hiranyakasipu, and because of this there was no chance for him to hear about the Lord except when Hiranyakasipu was performing long austerities and his mother Kayadu was taken to the ashrama of the Sage Narada. Even within the womb of his mother, Prahlad had the opportunity to hear the sacred Srimad Bhagavatam from Narada Muni, who knew that in Kayadu’s womb was a pure devotee. That sound vibration awoke his dormant Krishna consciousness, which evolved and delivered not just him but also generations of his ancestors and descendants.

I distinctly remember an incident some time ago, where one of my counselees', a mother of a 19-year old son was disturbed since the child failed to respect his parents, resorted to evil vices of habitual drinking, smoking, illicit relations etc. since he had seen his father behave in a similar manner throughout his life, besides getting into bad association.

It is thus, imperative to set a positive example for our children. At a tender age, they are very vulnerable, keen observers and imitate the actions of their elders. So the prerogative lies on parents, to be ever mindful of their own behaviour, deeds, respect each other as spouses and thus, create a loving atmosphere for the family. Children born to devotees or spiritually elevated parents are very fortunate.

The following acronym - PARENTS, will act as a guide on how to become ideal sculptors of our child's future:

P - Purity: First step as parents, is to develop pure consciousness with regulated sanctified lifestyle by following the guidelines of our holy scriptures.

A - Atmosphere: Create a pious ambience at home, a favourable atmosphere for holistic growth and development.

R - Responsibility: Recognize our reponsibility to fulfill physical, emotional, social and most importantly spiritual needs of the child.

E - Enlighten: Acquaint our child with his higher purpose of life through spiritual awareness and enlightenment.

N - Nurture: Plant, water and nurture the seed of devotion within the heart of the child by engaging his senses in pious activities.

T - Train: Proper training in sacred values, morals, principles, ethics and pure devotion must be imparted on a perpetual basis.

S - Service: Being the marginal energy of God, our prime duty is to offer selfless service to another soul (our child), become an instrument in re-connecting him with our Eternal Father.

I feel deeply indebted to the Divine to have blessed me with noble, pious and spiritually elevated parents, especially my mother, who has been my guide, mentor and a strong anchor in dovetailing my life towards a higher goal, has constantly supported me to advance on the spiritual path and always encouraged me to spread the nectarean mission of Krishna Consciousness - the path of divinity, peace and harmony. I am extremely fortunate to be raised under the divine caring protection of such exhalted parents, who are perceived as perfect role models for everyone in our circle of association or whoever has ever crossed paths with them. They have been a source of inspiration for all and an epitome of ideal parenting.

As ideal parents, the greatest act of true love towards our children is to guide them on the path of righteousness, inculcate the rich culture of sacred values, of integrity, of God’s grace, of spiritual consciousness – because that will give them real fulfillment. It would equip them with the confidence to overcome every obstacle with dignity. It would bring them real happiness and illuminate their existence. In turn, they would develop into instruments of bliss. When we are young, we can imbibe these virtues and these divine experiences before being subjected to myriad distractions, negative influences and ill habits. And when our children are empowered with the holy values, they become like the Lotus. Inspite of growing in the mud, they remain untouched by the mud, the dirt and contamination. Similarly, as our children grow, when they come in contact with bad elements, thrive in mixed association in day-to-day dealings; inspite of this, their conscience, hearts and actions remain pure because they have mastered the art of selfless love, ideals, pure devotion and realized the Absolute Truth, thereby achieving the highest perfection of life.

Article by:

Meghna Choudhury

(H.G. Mathura Vasi Devi Dasi)

Life Coach | Spiritual Counselor | Author

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