Few weeks back, a young gentleman wrote to me, sharing how he had suffered failures and catastrophes on multitude occasions in his life when he miserably failed at every stage, initially his final year engineering examinations, then failed at his job where he got fired, he failed as a husband and father, as he was unable to support his family the way he dreamed to. All these unfortunate circumstances had jolted his self-confidence and left an indelible impression of defeat on his soul.
True self confidence is not based on our achievements or our successes in this material world, but it is based on the fulfillment of who we are, what our purpose is, and what we represent to ourselves, our families and to the world around us. If a person can cultivate, nurture and maintain such a self confidence, he can attain the highest perfection. Moreover, he, in turn can generate that confidence and faith in everyone around him.
So how do we lay the foundation to build self-confidence?
The most revered text among all the Vedic literatures - Srimad Bhagavatam 3.7.10 rightly reveals that the living entity is in distress regarding his self-identity. In reality, to fail is not to be considered as loss, in any way. However, to lose ones character and integrity is a major loss to our inner self, that would surely prick somewhere deep down inside our hearts. A person with proper disposition and attitude is willing to accept even a major failure in the eyes of the world, in order to preserve the high values that he or she believes in. If we are willing to trade our ideals, our ethics, our character, our integrity, our soul for the adoration of this world, our so called self confidence will be built on a foundation of sand. It would have no real substance and it can never bring us real fulfillment. Low self esteem is one of the biggest problems in the world today. Not only for the apparent down driving people, but even for the people in high controlling positions. We have witnessed in the epic Mahabharata too how the exalted and finest warrior prince Arjuna was engulfed in misery, confusion, lamentation and despair, just before the Battle of Kurukshetra was about to begin. That's when the Supreme Personality of Godhead - Lord Krishna revealed the highest Yoga - Bhakti Yoga - for mankind, urged him to do his prescribed duties, which gave an impetus to his self-consciousness and confidence to remain on the correct path of righteousness.
True self confidence is not based on our achievements or our successes in this material world, but it is based on the fulfillment of who we are, what our purpose is, and what we represent to ourselves, our families and to the world around us. If a person can cultivate, nurture and maintain such a self confidence, he can attain the highest perfection. Moreover, he, in turn can generate that confidence and faith in everyone around him.
So how do we lay the foundation to build self-confidence?
The most revered text among all the Vedic literatures - Srimad Bhagavatam 3.7.10 rightly reveals that the living entity is in distress regarding his self-identity. In reality, to fail is not to be considered as loss, in any way. However, to lose ones character and integrity is a major loss to our inner self, that would surely prick somewhere deep down inside our hearts. A person with proper disposition and attitude is willing to accept even a major failure in the eyes of the world, in order to preserve the high values that he or she believes in. If we are willing to trade our ideals, our ethics, our character, our integrity, our soul for the adoration of this world, our so called self confidence will be built on a foundation of sand. It would have no real substance and it can never bring us real fulfillment. Low self esteem is one of the biggest problems in the world today. Not only for the apparent down driving people, but even for the people in high controlling positions. We have witnessed in the epic Mahabharata too how the exalted and finest warrior prince Arjuna was engulfed in misery, confusion, lamentation and despair, just before the Battle of Kurukshetra was about to begin. That's when the Supreme Personality of Godhead - Lord Krishna revealed the highest Yoga - Bhakti Yoga - for mankind, urged him to do his prescribed duties, which gave an impetus to his self-consciousness and confidence to remain on the correct path of righteousness.
A vast storehouse of Yogic knowledge and philosophy - The Bhagavad Gita As It Is prescribes that "As a lamp in a windless place does not waver, so the transcendentalist, whose mind is controlled, remains always steady in his meditation on the transcendent self". This means that persons with low self esteem, are dependent on the appreciation, the appraise, the praise and approval of others. Whereas a person with self confidence is willing to speak what is true or do what is right even if it is very unpopular. Especially the youth in the world today. Association is such a powerful influence. Most people don’t smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol or do all of these illicit things simply because they really want to do it. They do it because they want to look cool They fail to comprehend that that they don't look 'cool' but 'fool' in the eyes of whom it really matters - the inner-self, the soul and its Creator. They want to be accepted by the people around them. But this is the age of Kali. To be accepted by the masses in the age of Kali means there is something seriously wrong with us as we have forgotten our original constitutional position. That we are not this body composed of dead elements but we are, in reality, the soul within this body, which is driven by consciousness. Integrity means we understand what is right and we do it even if people criticize us, even if people make jokes and laugh at us. Eventually those same people will come to us when they are in trouble. Because they understand that here is a person with integrity. Those with low self esteem are easily jealous of other people’s successes. Jealousy means we are so hollow, we are so empty within. When we garner hatred and envy towards who appear better and demean them, shows that there is a lack of fulfillment in our own work, our values and who we are. The sword-like words of such envious entities should not deter us from reaching out highest potential and we must never underestimate our real self-esteem.
Characteristics:
A person with real self confidence is the well wisher of everyone, is not so concerned with his reputation, but concerned with his character. He is not so concerned with what he can get, and not so concerned with what he can prove to others by his lifestyle, by his way of speaking, by the type of furniture he has in his home, by his material posessions, but is more concerned with what he is giving to others. Actual self consciousness doesn’t mean that we become absorbed in our egoistic self. The art of real self consciousness is to become self less. Because in becoming self less and humble, there is transcendental inner peace, bliss and fulfillment.
Lesson for Life:
Let me share an enlightening story that will help us regain our trust in our own selves and we would stop questioning our self worth:
A man went to God and asked, "What's the value of life?" God gave him one stone and said, "Find out the value of this stone, but don't sell it." The man took the stone to an Orange Seller and asked him what it's cost would be. The Orange Seller saw the shiny stone and said, "You can take 12 oranges and give me the stone." The man apologized and said that the God has asked him not to sell it.
He went ahead and found a vegetable seller. "What could be the value of this stone?" he asked the vegetable seller. The seller saw the shiny stone and said, "Take one sack of potatoes and give me the stone." The man again apologized and said he can't sell it.
Further ahead, he went into a jewellery shop and asked the value of the stone. The jeweler saw the stone under a lens and said, "I'll give you 50 Lakhs for this stone." When the man shook his head, the jeweler said, "Alright, alright, take 2 crores, but give me the stone." The man explained that he can't sell the stone. Further ahead, the man saw a precious stone's shop and asked the seller the value of this stone.
When the precious stone's seller saw the big ruby, he lay down a red cloth and put the ruby on it. Then he walked in circles around the ruby and bent down and touched his head in front of the ruby. "From where did you bring this priceless ruby from?" he asked. "Even if I sell the whole world, and my life, I won't be able to purchase this priceless stone.
Stunned and confused, the man returned to the God and told him what had happened. "Now tell me what is the value of life, God?
God said, "The answers you got from the Orange Seller, the Vegetable Seller, the Jeweler & the Precious Stone's Seller explain the value of our life... You may be a precious stone, even priceless, but people may value you based on their level of information, their belief in you, their motive behind entertaining you, their ambition, and their risk taking ability. But don't fear, you will surely find someone who will discern your true value."
In the eyes of God you are very very precious. Respect yourself. You are Unique. No one can Replace you!
Moral:
Thus, by simply following the message of the Divine, by adhering to the regulative principles, by diligently doing our prescribed duties, we are assured of success. Simply by leading a sanctified life, we gradually develop a higher taste and thereby there is no cause of fear, no reason to feel depressed as no perceived failure in our lives can dwindle our faith in His best plans for us, His dearmost children, since now we have the Supreme Lord on our side.
Analogy:
A beautiful analogy in the sacred Srimad Bhagavatam 3.7.11 explains this: The moon reflected on water appears to quiver due to being associated with the quality of the water, similarly we living entities are tainted by material qualities like illusion, lamentation and miseries, although in the pure soul such qualities are completely absent. The separated parts and parcels of the Lord entangled in the water of material existence have the quivering quality, whereas the Lord is like the actual moon in the sky, which is not at all in touch with water. When we associate ourselves with material nature and view our self-worth through the eyes of the illusory energy or when we seek validation from others, rather than focusing on the higher ideals promulgated by our Creator, that's when our confidence dwindles and trembles like the reflection of the moon in water.
Practical Implementation - The Secret to Success:
By the mercy of the Lord, this young man who was at one point of time dejected, disturbed and on the verge of breakdown, is now highly successful in every sphere of life, both personally and professionally. Even though failures still hit him in the face occasionally, but the secret to his success is that, now, with undeviated determination and dedicated practice, he has cultivated the ability to construct stepping stones with the bricks thrown on his path. He has practiced getting up every time he falls with renewed vigor and enthusiasm. He has changed the way he sees stumbling blocks. He has seen the reflections of his real self-worth by gradually watering the seeds of devotion and having firm faith on our Supreme Protector.
By the mercy of the Lord, this young man who was at one point of time dejected, disturbed and on the verge of breakdown, is now highly successful in every sphere of life, both personally and professionally. Even though failures still hit him in the face occasionally, but the secret to his success is that, now, with undeviated determination and dedicated practice, he has cultivated the ability to construct stepping stones with the bricks thrown on his path. He has practiced getting up every time he falls with renewed vigor and enthusiasm. He has changed the way he sees stumbling blocks. He has seen the reflections of his real self-worth by gradually watering the seeds of devotion and having firm faith on our Supreme Protector.
Since the Lord has given us this very rare human birth and made each of us very special, let us always stay true to the virtues and righteous principles that is prescribed in our Vedic scriptures, let us strive to remain fixed on the path of devotion by associating with saintly people, let us fervently pray to the Lord to help us to engage our minds and senses in selfless service for the pleasure of the Supreme as that is the only way to achieve inner peace, fulfillment, become humble, build a powerful character and thus, imbibe and develop a high degree of self-confidence.
Article by:
Meghna Choudhury
(H.G. Mathura Vasi Devi Dasi)
Life Coach | Spiritual Counselor | Author
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